Mojo, my beloved fuzzbutt, passed away on Monday. He was about 12/13, we adopted him in March of 2001, and he was already a year, year and half old, maybe even more. He just...went downhill over the weekend, acting kind of blah on Saturday and Sunday, he wasn't eating but I still didn't think it was anything serious, because Prince recently had had a cold and had acted the same. Even so, I figured I'd take him to the vet on Monday just to be sure, maybe he had a toothache, since he's had tooth problems before. Well, Monday morning about 4 am I awoke to him making unhappy meows, and saw him next to the bed and he'd vomited bile, I guess, from the smell.
I called the vet as soon as they opened at 8, got an appointment for 9:40, and waited, feeling sick. He myowled a few more times and I tried to comfort him as best I could, and my heart sank when I put the carrier in front of him and he just ...walked in. He never, ever did that before. He died on the vet's table about 10am. The doctor figured it was a blood clot, based on how he was acting, his gums were very pale, so he was anemic. His passing was quick, and I'm sure he hurt, but I at least got to say goodbye. Part of me regrets that his last moment was spent in a place he hated to go, being picked up by strangers, but I think it would have been worse to come home from work and find him, and know he would have died scared and alone. I still wonder if maybe, if I'd called the emergency line on Sunday....but, no, he would have gone all the same.
He was a special cat, holder of many roles in the house: guardian of the stairs, protector of shoes, shower supervisor, exercise 'coach'. He was my shadow, my constant companion, he greeted us at the door when we came home, woke us up in the morning whether we wanted it or not, and often slept on the bed next to me.
It hurts. I still expect to see him meowing at me through the window when I get home every day. Every dark blob I see out of the corner of my eye I think is him. It will hurt for a long time. But at least he doesn't hurt anymore. I'll miss you, buddy.